You’re not going to want to hear this, but if you’re thinking of shooting your shot, it might be time to think about your rejection contingency plan. Rejection happens to all of us—it’s a fact of life. And I think we can all agree that romantic rejection hits just a little different than other types. You didn’t ask, but here it is: your crash course in handling rejection with care.   

POV: You’ve been crushing on a friend for most of the school year and eagerly awaiting the chance to reveal your feelings. What better time than prom? You’ve enlisted your friends, you’ve spent hours painstakingly choreographing a flash mob and crafting a homemade sign reading: “Prom?”  

The big moment arrives. The prom-posal’s a blur but what you do remember is them shaking their head, deer-in-the-headlights look on their face as they stammer, “I’m going with someone else.” 

(Quick sidebar: A public prom-posal puts a lot of pressure on both you and your crush. Consider asking them privately to get consent before breaking out the theatrics.) 

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Someone saying no can mean a lot of things—related and unrelated to you—but what it doesn’t mean is that something’s wrong with who you are. So, be kind to yourself. Recognize that you’re awesome and do things to boost yourself up, like hanging with friends or binging your comfort show. 

Be kind to the other person, too. Even if you’re feeling hurt, angry, embarrassed, or confused, don’t let this be the beginning of your villain arc; respect the other person enough not to send all those negative emotions their way. You wanted to go to prom with them a second ago, remember? Try to keep in mind that they’re not the bad guy, either—they’re a person with feelings and desires that just may not align with yours. 

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POV: You’ve been dreaming of the day when school is out and you finally get to spend long summer days with your partner. Your post-graduation plans will find you at opposite ends of the country next year, so you’re looking forward to spending as much time with them as possible before you move away. You know long distance will be hard, but you know the two of you can handle it…until they sit you down and confess that they don’t want to stay together after graduation. 

RELATED: HOW TO HELP A FRIEND GOING THROUGH A BREAKUP

We’re not saying you have to like their choice—but a true sign of respect is honoring someone’s wishes or feelings, even when they don’t match your own. This means listening and sticking to the boundaries they express. 

Your first instinct may be to cling to your ex and the relationship (i.e. “let’s stay friends”), but taking it slow and spending time apart can be a healthy thing. Try to set a comfortable pace post-breakup and prioritize your needs. If you need space, take it. If you don’t want to talk, you can decline their call. It can be helpful to take a break from social media or unfollow your ex until you feel ready to know what they’re up to without you.  

But what about closure?! Closure is real, but it’s not what we’ve learned about in rom-coms. Closure is a process that challenges us to reflect, process, and accept the lessons a relationship or break-up taught us (with or without the other person’s help). It may be excruciating not to have your ex’s input as you sort through your emotions and come to terms with your situation; there may be questions you feel only they can or should answer, or you may just want to know they’re hurting too.  

When you’re going through it, it’s totally normal to feel like you can’t find closure without them, but try to take responsibility for your own feelings and make sense of the experience from your own perspective. Your ex may be a resource for those unanswered questions at first but, eventually, YOU are the only person who can turn the page on this chapter and move on. Combine reflection (journaling, meditation, talking with a mental health professional, processing with a trusted friend or adult) with activities that bring you comfort or release (exercising, playing video games, watching movies, eating a favorite snack, or snuggling your pet). Lean on your support system for venting, advice, or maybe just some good old-fashioned fun.  

Rejection sucks—no contingency plan can change that. But being better prepared can soften the blow, and over time you’ll gain perspective and begin to heal. You’ve got this (and One Love’s got you)! 

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Sheridan Riolo is an Engagement Manager in One Love’s California Region.  Her “why One Love?” — I do this work because I’m fascinated by so many aspects of relationships, and being at One Love allows me to talk about relationships day in and day out.

Sheridan’s favorite healthy sign is Comfortable Pace.

The post A Crash Course In Handling Rejection appeared first on One Love Foundation.

If you or someone you know is in an unhealthy relationship, it can be difficult to know where to point them to for help. The great news is there are many wonderful resources and organizations–right at your fingertips–that are ready and willing to help anyone who might be in an unhealthy or abusive relationship. Here are five resources you may not have known about that could assist you or a friend.

1. University Counseling Services

If you are a college student, check with your university’s medical center to see what kind of mental health services they offer. Most universities offer free, confidential counseling services to all of their students. You can often participate in one-on-one counseling, or you may have the option to participate in group counseling with peers in similar situations. Group counseling provides a great opportunity to establish a support system on campus with others that may be having similar experiences.

2. Domestic Violence (DV) Programs and Shelters

As of 2010, there are approximately 1,700 local domestic violence programs and shelters across the country. There you will find social workers, professional counselors, and trained volunteers who can help you create safety plans, find housing or provide relocation assistance, as well as economic assistance, support groups.

3. Employee Assistance Program

Check with your employer to see if they have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) in place. An EAP is an employer-provided resource that provides free, short-term, confidential counseling to employees who are experiencing personal and/or work related problems; including relationship abuse. Depending on the size of your company, anywhere between 75% and 97% offer an EAP, and help is usually 24 hours a day, seven days a week. You can learn about your company’s EAP program by contacting your company’s HR department.

4. RedRover

Our furry friends are important to us acting as a constant friend and comforter. If your partner is threatening to hurt your pet, it can make it hard to leave that unhealthy relationship. If you want to leave an unhealthy relationship but you are concerned about your pet’s safety, you can work with Red Rover. This fantastic organization helps victims of abuse find temporary shelter for their pets and they even assist with the financial aspect.

5. Loveisrespect.org

Loveisrespect is an organization that provides 24/7 assistance to anyone who is experiencing dating abuse. Their website provides tons of information on everything from safety planning to legal advice in addition to quizzes that assess you and your partner’s relationship behaviors and resources for abusers as well. They are available to chat online, text, or call. Visit loveisrespect.org. for more information.

Asking for help can be intimidating, but these five resources are here to help! Remember, there are real-time resources available to help if immediate assistance is necessary. If you or someone you know is experiencing an unhealthy or abusive relationship, check out our resources, or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. If you’re in imminent danger, please call 911.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

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How does abuse play into Colossal? [Spoiler alert]

Once Gloria realizes that she can control the monster in Seoul, she decides to share this discovery with her new friends, Oscar (Sudeikis), Joel (Austin Stowell), and Garth (Tim Blake Nelson). It turns out Oscar can also control a robot that appears in Seoul just as Gloria can control the monster. After Oscar discovers he too can inflict harm upon innocent people in Korea, he uses this power to then manipulate and threaten Gloria into continuing to work at his bar by claiming he will use his robot kaiju to kill innocent citizens if she leaves town. Gloria does all she can to prevent Oscar from causing harm, but he uses various tactics of abuse such as gaslighting (blaming Gloria for her own abuse), intimidation (threatening that he will hurt innocent people if she tries to leave town), and physical violence (he repeatedly physically assaults her) to prevent Gloria from being able to escape her hometown.

What do other characters do when they see Oscar being abusive?

Joel, another character, witnesses Oscar’s violence, manipulation, and control and does little to prevent it. As a bystander, Joel has the ability to defend Gloria and prevent Oscar’s abusive behaviors. However, his character remains a passive witness. Rather than talking to Gloria and Oscar, encouraging them to consult professional resources, or stopping Oscar from physically attacking Gloria, Joel remains a passive bystander. We don’t know exactly why Joel does nothing—maybe he felt physically intimidated by Oscar, didn’t feel it was his place to intervene in Oscar and Gloria’s relationship, or even felt that his interference would only make matters worse—but his character is presented with several opportunities to intervene and yet chooses not to.

Why is it important for male bystanders to stand up for their friends?

It’s important to recognize that men are not the only type of people who can be abusive – abuse can be perpetrated by a person of any gender. However, it’s also important to recognize the social power men have with other males to prevent and stand up against abuse. Men need to be just as involved in the movement to end relationship violence as any other gender. In focus groups One Love has led with survivors of relationship abuse, many of the participants interviewed described how powerful it was to have their male friends intervene and speak out against women’s abusive male partners. This was, in part, because men were a in position to influence other males’ behavior in a way that women could not do safely. Intervention by men was also powerful because it was unexpected.

“My guy friends were the biggest advocates for me because a lot of my girlfriends were intimidated by and scared of him. [One night, my male friend] who lived with him happened upon us and said, ‘Hey, what the hell is going on?’ And just confronted him and was like ‘dude, you need to cool down.’ And walked him back home and was like, ‘don’t you dare follow her,’ and texted me ‘I’m watching him all night, don’t worry, you’re totally safe, we’re all going to make sure he doesn’t sneak out and come find you.’ From that point on, my guy friends that he lived with told me, ‘Please do not come to our apartment unless someone is there. If you are coming to visit, text all of us and we will make sure someone is there.’ They became my biggest advocates.” 

As surfaced through the focus group that One Love held, men have the potential to be powerful advocates when speaking out against relationship violence. That is not to say that people of all genders can’t provide moral support and empower those in abusive situations to seek help, but it’s clear that men have an important role to play in this issue. As shown by Joel’s character in Colossal, opportunities to intervene when a friend is in an abusive relationship arise but are not always taken advantage of. If Joel had intervened and talked to Gloria or Oscar about the abuse that he was witnessing, perhaps the plot line would have been different.

[clickToTweet tweet=”Regardless of what gender you identify as, we all have a role to play in ending toxic relationships. ” quote=”Regardless of what gender you identify with, we all have a role to play in ending toxic relationships. “]

We hope that Colossal provides an incentive for anyone who witnesses unhealthy behaviors between friends to do something about it. Regardless of what gender you identify with, we all have a role to play in ending toxic relationships.

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