Be Real and Honest 

First things first, honesty is key. If you know it’s time to end things, have a direct and respectful conversation. Avoid ghosting; it’s way more considerate to let the other person know where you stand. A simple, honest chat can go a long way in making the transition smoother for both of you. Respect their feelings while being clear about yours. 

Social Media Cleanse 

After ending a summer romance or friendship, your social media game needs to be strong. Here’s how to handle it: 

• Unfollow/Unfriend: If seeing their posts is too much, it’s okay to unfollow or unfriend them. It’s about your mental peace. 

• Mute: Not ready to cut ties completely? Use the mute button. You won’t see their posts, and they won’t know you’ve muted them. 

• Change Privacy Settings: Adjust your settings to limit what they can see on your profile. It helps to keep some boundaries. 

• Avoid Real-Time Location Sharing: If the relationship was unhealthy, it’s best to avoid sharing your location in real time. You don’t want to risk surprise visits or unwanted interactions. 

If your relationship is unhealthy or abusive, check out the My Plan App for help leaving that relationship safely or staying safe post-breakup. 

Handling Common Friends 

If you share mutual friends, things can get tricky. Here’s what to do: 

• Be Clear: Let your friends know about the split. They don’t need all the details, just the basics. 

• Respect Boundaries: Avoid making friends choose sides. Be civil in group settings and respect each other’s space. 

• Plan Solo Hangouts: Spend time with friends one-on-one if group hangouts feel awkward. 

Focus on Self-Care 

Ending a summer romance or friendship can be emotionally draining. Make sure to take care of yourself: 

• Stay Busy: Dive into hobbies, hit the gym, or binge-watch your favorite shows. Keeping busy helps distract you from overthinking. 

• Talk it Out: Don’t bottle up your feelings. Talk to a trusted friend or even a therapist if needed. 

• Pamper Yourself: Treat yourself to something nice. A little self-love goes a long way. 

Learn and Grow 

Every relationship teaches us something. Reflect on what you’ve learned from this summer fling or friendship. Use it as a stepping stone for personal growth. 

Ending a summer romance or friendship isn’t easy, but it’s a part of life. Handle it with honesty, care, and a touch of social media savvy. Remember, it’s all about moving forward and making room for new connections. 

 – Carla M Kozen, Content Manager

The post How to End a Summer Romance or Friendship appeared first on One Love Foundation.

“Was there alcohol involved?” 

“Why haven’t you left yet?” 

 *

These questions are commonly referred to as victim blaming – when a friend, colleague, or acquaintance says things to imply that you might have done something to deserve the abuse. These perspectives and mindsets are harmful on a personal level – they can be extremely disorienting and isolating for survivors, complicate the healing process, and lessen the likelihood for the survivor to seek support – as well as on a societal level. We see the effects of victim blaming mentality in the failure of our criminal justice system to treat violence and abuse as crimes deserving of serious consequences, subsequently absolving perpetrators of accountability. 

Below are some actionable ways to stop victim blaming, whether that means adjusting our own mindsets, holding abusers accountable for their behavior, or supporting survivors by publicly challenging victim blaming perspectives. 

Believe & Acknowledge  

Sharing stories of abuse is an incredibly difficult thing to do. Realize that when someone is choosing to disclose this information to you, it is an act of trust. Treat their stories with respect and believe them. It is okay if you do not know how to advise them in the moment. A listening ear and validation of their experience is crucial. 

Remind the Survivor it is Not Their Fault 

When recounting these experiences, it is normal for some survivors to blame themselves because of our society’s victim-blaming norms. Continue to listen, but be sure to reassure them that it is not their fault. 

Avoid Accusatory Questions 

Instead of asking questions about the details that surrounded the abuse, offer compassion and understanding without proving your interpretation of the event. For example, imagine that your friend is telling you about an instance where their partner sabotaged them by breaking their cellphone during an argument. Instead of asking them to recall the events leading up to the abuse, tell them that you are sorry they had to experience this, and reassure them that they do not deserve to be treated this way regardless of what the argument was about. 

Use Teachable Moments 

If you are with a group of people who are attempting to place responsibility onto the survivor, use this opportunity to teach them about the importance of holding the perpetrator accountable for their actions. These people very well might not be aware that the way they are responding is a form of victim blaming. If you are unsure where to start, here is a list of Relationship Abuse FAQ’s, Myths, and Facts. 

Understand that the Perpetrator is Fully Responsible 

Just as the perpetrator is the only person who can choose to be abusive, they are also the only person who could have stopped it. If you find yourself considering other avenues that the survivor could have taken to prevent the abuse, remind yourself that the only thing that would have changed the outcome is the perpetrator’s decision to commit it. 

 *

It is imperative to challenge the tradition of victim blaming in order to cultivate a safer and more just society. While we may not be able to reinvent the wheel overnight, we can inch towards collective healing in our daily lives by responding to these stories in a way that is supportive and empowers survivors to continue speaking out loud about their experiences. 

–

Bridget Boylan is an Engagement Manager in One Love’s New York Tri-State Region.

The post How To Put An End to Victim Blaming appeared first on One Love Foundation.

Written by Writer’s Corps member Katie Moino

I want you to be honest with yourself: Do you sometimes have texting anxiety? It’s totally okay if you do! In fact, I’d say most of us do.

While texting is nice because it gives you the time to really think about what you want to say, it can be challenging to decide what the right thing to say is. We all know it’s so easy to misconstrue the meaning of a text, and we don’t want someone to misunderstand our intent.

Let’s Play a Game!

So how can we address this problem and minimize anxiety? I’m glad you asked! We’re going to play a little game I like to call “This or That”. I’m going to give you some common text situations I know we all might find ourselves in and a couple of responses. We will then decide which is the healthiest text response to send. For these situations, I’m defining a healthy text message as one that conveys the most emotion, clearest intention, and understanding.

These examples will give you some ideas on how to confidently craft that text the next time you’re unsure of how to respond.

Scenario 1

You messaged your partner asking if they want to get dinner the following night. They respond that they have a work event and are super busy the rest of the week, but that they’d love to find a different night. How do you respond?

Would you say this: But tomorrow night is my only free night. Can’t you skip it?

Or that? No worries! Let me know which days work for you next week

If the first response made you feel a little uneasy, it should. While it may seem harmless, this could be a sign of possessiveness if this type of response is frequent. Possessiveness means that someone is trying to control who you spend your time with and how you spend your time. This is a sign of unhealthy communication. It’s important to be understanding of your friend or partner’s life outside of you. Everyone has the right to be independent.

Check out our related article How to Spot the Signs of Abusive Texts & Get Help.

The second response shows understanding and respect for the other person’s time and obligations. It also shows that both people have independence in the relationship.

Scenario 2

You feel like your partner blew off your plans to hang out with their friends. Which message do you send?

This: I felt a bit hurt when you went to hang out with your friends instead of me. I thought we had plans. Can you tell me what happened?

Or that? I’m so mad at you.

Let’s break down these messages. The first response might seem a bit wordy, but it’s always best to be as clear as possible, especially over text to avoid any misunderstanding. Remember, the other person can’t see your body language and expressions, so it’s always best to air on the side of clarity. Also, remember that conflict is normal in any relationship! Just make sure that you are dealing with it in a respectful way that does not escalate the problem. It’s always best to look for solutions to ensure you come to a resolution.

While it’s good to express how you feel to your partner, this second response is not very clear. It tells your partner how you feel but doesn’t explain why. This could lead to further problems and escalate the conflict. Remember, it’s always best to communicate as clearly and honestly as you can to address the conflict in a healthy way, even over texting!

Scenario 3

You call your partner, but they don’t pick up the phone. Which text do you send?

This: Where are you????? Call me back NOW

Or that? Just wanted to say hey! Call me back when you can

The first response seems a little intense, right? If your partner is demanding and their behavior and communication seems extreme and overwhelming, this is a sign of intensity.

The second response is friendly, respectful, and shows trust. These are all signs of a healthy text response.

Now Let’s Review

Before you send that text, ask yourself, does this message clearly communicate how I feel in a way that is understanding and respectful? It is always best to ensure this before sending off that text to make sure that you’re not creating problems and instead finding solutions to them.

Conflict is normal in any relationship, but we want to address it in a healthy way! Some other ways you can make sure you’re being clear and understanding in your messages are to add emojis to further show how you’re feeling. Adding punctuation like exclamation marks can also help to show your tone and emotion.

Check out our related article Texting Do’s and Don’ts in Relationships. 

Texting adds a whole other dimension to communication that wasn’t around before. As we know, this can make it challenging to communicate clearly with one another, but we can adapt! Check out our ten signs of a healthy relationship for more inspiration on how to make those text messages and responses as healthy as ever!

The post Do You Have Texting Anxiety? appeared first on One Love Foundation.

Ding! Your phone goes off. It’s a message from that person you’ve been talking to on a dating app. They want to know if you want to get dinner sometime this week. You hesitate. You’ve been talking with this person for about a week, and they seem nice, but are you ready to meet up? While dating apps make it super convenient to meet people, it can be hard to know from messaging alone if someone is a good fit. 

This is why meeting up is so important! Meeting up is the only way to really know if someone will be a good fit for you. But you also don’t want to waste your time and meet up with someone that leads to a dead end. So how do we deal with this dilemma? How do you really know if you’re ready to meet up with someone? 

Here are 7 questions you can ask yourself to decide if you’re ready to meet up with someone in person.

1. Do you feel like your best self when you’re speaking to them?

One of the most important things in any relationship is that you feel like you can be yourself when you’re with that person. Even in the early stages of messaging someone, you should be able to tell if this is a safe space for you to relax and be yourself. Your feelings about your conversations are a good indicator of this. Are they belittling you in any way? Saying things that make you feel bad about yourself or that give you a bad feeling? If so, this is a sign that this person is not a good fit. But, if you can let loose and express yourself and you feel safe doing so, this is a good sign that this is a positive connection. 

2. Are you engaged in the conversation? 

Are you putting in equal effort? We all know that person on dating apps that only responds with one-word answers and couldn’t seem more uninterested. So ask yourself, is the conversation going both ways? Does this person have interesting things to say? If the conversation is flowing and the vibes are good, this is, of course, a big sign that you’re ready to meet up! 

3. Are you moving at a comfortable pace?

Is the conversation moving at a pace that you’re comfortable with? If so, this is a good sign that you’re both in sync and will get along great in person too. Also, if the conversation seems to be moving faster than what you’re comfortable with, communicate that you would like to slow things down. For example, if they’re asking things that you’re not comfortable answering yet or asking to meet up and it feels too early, tell them that you’d like to slow things down.

4. Do you share things in common?

Does it seem like you have some things in common? It’s always good to know a little bit about a person before the date to make sure you have some common ground to talk about. This is also a good sign that there might be potential there. It’s always more fun when you’re with someone who has some common interests so you can talk about and do those things together!

5. Are there red flags?

Have you detected any red flags or behaviors that are deal breakers? If there is anything at all that they’ve said that raises suspicion or makes you uncomfortable, trust your gut and don’t ignore it. Remember, you want to feel like you can be yourself with this person. 

Check out the 10 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship here to learn what red flags to look out for. Some examples are intensity (for example: messaging too frequently), volatility (For example: clashing on opposing views that cause extreme conflict), and belittling (for example: they put you down for your interests). 

6. Do they respect your boundaries?

It is important to know what your boundaries are going in so that you don’t feel pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do. To learn more about boundaries — what they are and how to set them — check out this helpful guide.

Communicate boundaries before meeting up so that you and your date know what to expect and are on the same page. If they push back on your boundaries and try to get you to do something that you’re not comfortable with doing, this is a big red flag. In any relationship, it is essential to respect each other’s boundaries. If this is difficult for them this early on it could be indicative of more unhealthy behaviors to come. But if they respect your boundaries, this is a great sign that you’re ready to meet IRL!

7. What is your intuition telling you?

Above all, what is your gut telling you? Do you have a good feeling about this person from your conversations? Have you been talking long enough to where you feel comfortable meeting up? Or you might be the type of person who would prefer cutting to the chase and you don’t need a lot of time talking online before meeting in person. Either is totally fine, just make sure that you’re listening to YOU. 

Dating isn’t always easy. It can be hard to put yourself out there, even on dating apps. Listen to your gut and be true to yourself, and I know in time you will all find exactly what you’re looking for! 

Written by Writer’s Corps member Katie Moino

The post 7 Questions Before You’re Ready to Meet appeared first on One Love Foundation.

 Written by Writer’s Corps member Rachel Kearns 

Enough is enough. The endless texting, the constant demands for your attention, every like on Instagram tracked and questioned. Whether you’ve read our post on 10 Unhealthy Signs in Digital Relationships or are learning to set your own boundaries, here you’ll find the next steps in protecting yourself and setting those boundaries in your own relationships.  

Setting Your Boundaries 

Digital harassment can take many forms and recognizing harmful behaviors early can help protect you. Unhealthy partners look to take control over your life through such tactics. If you notice any of these signs, question how comfortable you are continuing communication. When beginning any form of new communication or moving into a new romantic relationship you should feel comfortable with placing boundaries with your partner and with yourself. 

How often are you comfortable texting, calling, or using FaceTime? What things are you not comfortable sharing? What sort of conversations should be done in person? Things like leveling up your relationship or breaking up should be done in person if possible and safe. How do you balance your digital communications and relationship with the rest of your busy life? 

Do you have more questions about boundary setting in digital relationships? Check out this video where One Love staff discusses how you can recognize some of the signs of digital abuse and take action against it.

RELATED: 5 Easy Ways To Communicate Better in Your Relationship

So, What Are We?” – Your Relationship Status

In the beginning, ask questions about what your relationship looks like and what you’re looking for with your potential or current partner. How serious is your relationship? What are the expectations from your partner? Those answers can be great ways to set boundaries and decide how you’ll communicate. Romantic relationships via such digital channels bring another layer to consider with how comfortable you are with sexual and romantic intimacy over messaging. 

Smashing the Block Button 

It’s important to feel comfortable when talking with others online or through text. Step back and assess your relationships. There’s nothing wrong with taking a break from communicating through social media. Digital overload is very real and if your outside life is suffering from your digital life: step back. If you find that someone is bothering you, trying to get information from you that you don’t wish to share, is overly argumentative, or showing other signs of harassment don’t be afraid to just block them and walk away. 

RELATED: How often should you communicate digitally?

Get Help  

Sometimes a relationship becomes scary, and you may need additional resources to help you set those boundaries or end an unhealthy relationship.  

If you or someone you know is experiencing an unhealthy or abusive relationship, check out our real-time resources, or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. If you’re in imminent danger, please call 911. 

There’s no easy roadmap for traversing digital relationships. The bottom line is that if someone is making you uncomfortable you have the right to end your relationship. If someone is harassing you digitally, then they will likely expand their harassment behind digital threats. 96% of teens who experience digital harassment also suffer from other forms of harassment.  

The post How to Protect Yourself in Digital Relationships appeared first on One Love Foundation.

We know that leaving an abusive partner is incredibly difficult and dangerous. And there are tons of reasons (like hoping things will get better or go back to how they were in the beginning) why people stay in relationships that are toxic, but the truth is abuse only gets more dangerous over time. Knowing the signs to look out for could be lifesaving.  

No one ever, ever enters a relationship thinking their partner could physically harm or even kill them.  But abuse tends to escalate over time and can become potentially dangerous.  

RELATED: How Unhealthy Relationships Impact the Disabled Community

Unfortunately, 1 in 13 male murder victims are killed by their partners, and 50% of women murdered in the United States are killed by current or former partners. As shocking as those numbers are, they’re not the only statistics you need to consider if your partner has behaved abusively, particularly if you belong to a group with heightened risk.  

The following are the seven most deadly indications that you could be killed by a partner. But please remember that even if your partner never demonstrates these behaviors, an abusive relationship may escalate into something potentially dangerous.

7 Lethality Indicators to look out for in a relationship

Strangulation

If your partner has ever used any part of their body or any object to put pressure on your neck, whether they cut off your oxygen or blood supply or only hinted that they could, your risk of being murdered by them is 10 times higher. 

Access to firearms

The presence of a gun in the same home where an abusive heterosexual relationship is taking place increases the homicide risk for women by 500 percent; this risk doesn’t only apply to women though – anyone can be in serious danger if their abusive partner has a gun. 

Physical & sexual violence

Guns and strangulation may seem like obvious indications a partner could be dangerous, but people whose partners are both physically and sexually abusive are also more likely to be injured or killed than people whose abusers apply one form of abuse. 

Suicide & threats

If your abusive partner has ever attempted suicide in the past, it’s vital to take any new suicide threats seriously because 72% of all murder-suicides involve an intimate partner; other threats that indicate heightened lethality are threats to children, and extreme, possessive statements like “If I can’t have you, no one can.” 

RELATED: How I hid my unhealthy relationship with happy couple posts

Living situation

While stalking may feel like an obvious indication of a serious threat, many components of your living situation could be associated with surprising risks. An abuser who is unemployed, if you’ve never lived with your abusive partner, or if you have left your abusive partner after living together are all indications of increased risk.  

Substance use

While being drunk or high is never an excuse for abusive behavior, an abusive person who struggles with alcoholism and/or uses illegal drugs can be especially volatile and dangerous.  

Pregnancy & Children

People are often surprised to hear that pregnancy is one of the most dangerous times in an abusive relationship; folks are also often surprised that having a child with someone other than your abusive partner is correlated with an increased risk of murder.  

Lethality Risk Assessments 

Because domestic violence murders are disproportionately femicides, the original danger assessment was created for women who are being abused by their male partners to assess the risk to their life.  

Other danger assessments are available for download for specific populations, including women whose abusive partners are women, and for immigrant women, but may measure other risks besides lethality.  

RELATED: 5 Places You Can Find Help You May Not Have Known About

Get Help

The most important question you need to ask yourself if your partner is abusive is if you believe they can kill you. If you’re asking yourself that question, no matter what your answer is, please consider talking to a domestic violence advocate and creating a safety plan. Your life is precious.  

RELATED: What to do after a breakup: Keeping yourself safe online

 Written by Writer’s Corps member Frederick Heather 

If you or someone you know is experiencing an unhealthy or abusive relationship, check out our real-time resources, or chat with or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. If you’re afraid for your life, please call 911. 

The post 7 Deadly Signs: Lethal Behaviors to Look Out for in an Abusive Relationship  appeared first on One Love Foundation.

A new relationship can be one of the most exciting times in your life. Whether that’s a new friend or partner, it’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind and bombard them with a million text messages in a row.  

You share every funny post you see on Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, any social media you can get your hands on. When you’re scrolling and scrolling, it’s hard to remember that not everybody is poring through content like you are. Then there’s the urge to give them gifts all the time, say “I love you” or make the relationship official. You really like the person and you want them to know it.  

Everyone does this, especially when meeting someone new. But when does excitement end and love bombing begin? When can a honeymoon phase turn unhealthy and potentially dangerous?  

What is Love Bombing?  

Love bombing is a form of control that appears harmless on the surface. Love bombing may include showering a new partner or friend with affection, compliments, gifts, or favors. All of this is done early in the relationship to establish control and a sense of trust in a partner.  

The true danger of love bombing comes when you try to assert your own independence or boundaries, which is when a love bomber will try and use that control and false trust, they gained over you. 

What are the Signs of Love Bombing?  

• You feel like the relationship is moving too fast  

The harder you fall, the easier a love bomber can establish a dependency on their affection. Falling in love or making a new friend feels amazing, but they might be moving faster to find ways to control your behavior and take advantage of the butterflies in your stomach. 

• Your conversations are mostly about receiving compliments. 

Everyone enjoys a compliment. If you’re feeling emotionally exhausted from all the compliments or if they feel too extreme for the early stages of your friendship or relationship, that’s a red flag. Love bombers build up your self-esteem to tear it down later. 

• Your friend or partner doesn’t like you hanging out without them. 

Your new friend or partner doesn’t need to be besties with your loved ones, but love bombers try to isolate their partners from other people, becoming the sole giver of affection.  

• You feel a cycle of building up and breaking down your self-esteem. 

If one day, you feel amazing talking with them, then you feel horrible the next, this may be a love bomber fluctuating your self-esteem and training you to act in ways that will have the most control over you. 

How to Protect Yourself  

• Talk with your friend or partner.  

Have an honest discussion about how you’re feeling. Identify problematic behaviors and give concrete examples. There may be defensiveness or hurt feelings, but a loved one who isn’t intentionally trying to love bomb you will listen, apologize and make the necessary changes in time. 

• Set boundaries.  

Whether a friend or partner responds with a promise to change or continues their behavior, it’s time for some boundaries. Again, be specific in the changes you want to see and how you’ll limit the interactions that are making you uncomfortable. 

• Trust your gut.  

If something feels off, listen to that feeling. Your gut is your number one defense and your first step in making a change. If things don’t change and you feel smothered, it might be time to end the relationship. Develop a plan to leave safely with trusted loved ones.  

Love bombing can look and feel like a honeymoon phase, but it’s intense and unhealthy for a long-term relationship. It’s important to know the signs and how to protect yourself and your relationship.  

If you or someone you know is experiencing an unhealthy or abusive relationship, check out our real-time resources, or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.  

Written by One Love staff member Gabriel Naccarato

The post A Comprehensive Guide to Love Bombing  appeared first on One Love Foundation.

Thinking about checking in at the hottest new club in town to celebrate you leaving your abusive ex? Hold that thought. The actions you take online after ending an unhealthy relationship can have big impacts on your emotional wellbeing, and even your physical safety. Let’s look at some digital considerations for taking the best care of yourself post-breakup.  
 

Stop or Limit Your Communication 

First thing’s first: put down your phone. Missing your ex or wondering what they’re up to after a breakup is totally normal, but if the relationship crumbled under the weight of unhealthy behaviors, communication between you two isn’t going to magically become healthy just because you’ve broken up. Also, keep in mind the most common stalking tactic reported by survivors of stalking is repeated unwanted phone calls, voice, or text messages so you might consider blocking your ex both on your phone and through your cell service provider. 

You know your situation best though, and we have heard of cases where blocking an ex sets them off, so if you have any concerns about an ex’s volatile behavior talk with a counselor or advocate who can help you assess the severity of your situation and help you create a personalized safety plan. 

Not feeling ready to block your ex and delete their digital footprint from your life just yet? That’s ok! Even just moving their texts, voicemails, and pictures off your phone onto a flash drive will help wedge some space between you and their memories. If you do keep your ex’s number in your phone, we strongly recommend changing their name. Something like “I Deserve Healthy Love” can serve as a great reminder if they’re blowing you up trying to get you back, or if you’re missing them and find yourself tempted to reach out. And if they keep bothering you, but blocking them doesn’t feel doable, check if your phone has a spam filter you can put on their number.  

Be Aware of Spoofing  

One thing to be aware of after breaking up with someone who was abusive – in any way– is how technology can be used against you. We’ve heard from people whose exes “spoofed” — aka falsifying the information about an incoming call on the receiver’s caller ID display —the numbers of other people like their parents, siblings, and BFFs. If you answer your phone expecting to hear from your mom but it’s your ex on the other line, most likely they’re spoofing. The easiest way to deal is to screen all your calls and let your support people know they’ll need to leave you a voicemail or text you with a specific code word if they want you to call them back. 

Remove Possible Spyware  

If you suspect your ex installed spyware on your phone to track your texts or location, there are a few things you can do. A factory reset will clear any software installed (along with ALL your numbers, data, photos, apps, etc.) but if you suspect a GPS tracker or some other tracking or recording hardware has been installed on your phone without your consent, go to your local cell phone carrier and ask them to take your phone apart and comb through it for you. You might get some raised eyebrows or a salesperson who doesn’t know how to do what you’re asking for, but this is definitely a case where politely asking for the manager to help you is 100% the right move. 

Consider a New Phone and/or Number  

And if your phone security doesn’t seem salvageable or you just can’t shake the feeling that your ex is using your cell to stalk you, look into getting a new phone and a new, unlisted number. Some domestic violence shelters can support survivors with getting new phones, and you can also check out SafeLink Wireless. Always remember though that in the US any phone with a charge on its battery can call 9-1-1 in an emergency, so even if you have to dig your older generation phone out of the back of your closet, it could keep you safer. 

Turn Off GPS and Check for External Trackers 

If your ex keeps somehow showing up wherever you are, they may be using GPS to track you. Whether you get a new phone or keep using the one you had during your relationship, consider turning off your GPS unless you absolutely need it. Same thing if you have a navigation system in your car. Check for external GPS trackers in your handbags, wallets, even the pockets and collars on your clothes. You also want to look for a GPS tracker on your car. Check your glove box, center console, trunk, and wheel wells. You could also ask a local mechanic to give your car an inspection for anything suspicious too. 

Update Your Email Preferences  

We know that 36% of dating college students have given their partners their computer, email, or social media passwords.

• Step 1: Change your password AND your security questions on all accounts your ex could have access to.
• Step 2: Unlink your email as your login for any websites where you have an account, especially your banking or credit card information, and any sites you’ve shopped with.
• Step 3: Remember all the stuff we had to do for your phone? Yeah, all of that. 

You can block and delete your ex’s emails, send them and any other accounts that seem spoofed or suspicious to spam, and look into creating a new email account. Especially if you’ve gotten a new phone number too. Using that to set up a new email account can help keep you safe. Going forward, use that new email address for things that need more security like banking, legal proceedings, major purchases, school, and work. 

Check Your Social Media Privacy Settings 

Almost 1 in 10 teens in relationships report having a partner tamper with their social media account, which is the most frequent form of harassment or digital abuse reported. Deleting your own social media accounts is probably not an option, so again, change your passwords and security settings, and block and delete your ex. Here too you want to think about deleting (or at least moving) photos of you and your ex off your social media accounts and going forward ask your friends to check with you before they post pictures that include you, tag you, or share your location. Lastly, check your privacy settings. Every app and platform have their own options, so play around with them until you’re comfortable. 

Remove Your Listed Address  

Enrolling in an address confidentiality program can help keep your address from being listed in the public record. Address confidentiality programs aren’t available everywhere, and in some places, they can’t keep a survivor’s address from being listed in court records or voter registration rolls, so talking to a domestic violence advocate in your local area is the best way to learn what the situation is in your state. 

The heartbreaking truth is that victims of digital abuse and harassment are twice as likely to be physically abused, twice as likely to be psychologically abused, and five times as likely to be sexually coerced, so taking steps to keep yourself digitally safe after a breakup is a big deal. You can be proud of yourself for everything you’ve done up until this point to stay safe and now that this abusive relationship is over, hopefully, you can start to heal, too. 

 Written by Writer’s Corps member Frederick Heather 

If you or someone you know is experiencing an unhealthy or abusive relationship, check out our real-time resources, or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. If you’re in imminent danger, please call 911 

The post What to do after a breakup: Keeping yourself safe online appeared first on One Love Foundation.

 Written by Writer’s Corps member Ashley Campusano 

Money is one of the main stressors in a relationship. Hence, it’s perfectly normal for couples to argue over bills and other finances sometimes. But money-based conflicts can veer into unhealthy territory, where one partner is trying to manipulate the other and control all the funds. This is called financial abuse. It’s is a form of mistreatment that occurs in nearly 99% of domestic violence cases and involves tactics like sabotaging employment opportunities, limiting access to funds, or overly keeping tabs on how money is spent by a responsible partner. So how do you know if your arguments about money are signs of financial abuse? These excellent resources will help you recognize unhealthy financial behavior and give you the support you need to put a stop to it.

RELATED: What is Financial Abuse? These Are the Signs…

1. Office on Women’s Health 

Financial abuse can be difficult to detect, but Womenshealth.gov  lists a number of warning signs that help you understand if you’re experiencing this. It also offers advice on how to begin the process of leaving an abusive partner, providing hands-on resources such as available services from domestic violence shelters and a list of potential ways to implement a safety plan.

2. Purple Purse Allstate Foundation  

Established in 2005, this organization continues to assist those who are suffering, or who have suffered financially abusive relationships. Services include a free online financial empowerment curriculum that teaches financial literacy skills such as learning credit basics, loan application processes, and budgeting/saving practices. Purple Purse also provides state-specific coalitions to help survivors find help and support even in the most remote locations.

RELATED: How To  Talk To Your Teen About Financial Abuse

3. WomensLaw.org

After leaving a financially abusive relationship, it is possible to take legal action to try and rectify the economic damage. This could include trying to get your money back, handling debt under your name, or regaining control of your credit. Whether or not you would want a lawyer, knowing your rights in your state is a crucial part of financial empowerment. The website Womenslaw.org gives you valuable information such as how to report identity theft for unauthorized accounts and best practices for handling financial documents.

RELATED: 5 Places You Can Find Help You May Not Have Known About

4. Federal Trade Commission

A large part of regaining financial control is fixing your credit. Getting a handle on your finances can feel overwhelming and many of us don’t know where to begin. The Federal Trade Commission helps by offering free credit reports, help with reporting identity theft, and consumer alerts to keep yourself updated on your financials. The website also helps you find a credit counselor and provides information on the differences between debt relief and bankruptcy so that you can choose the right course of action.  

5. HelpGuide 

If you need a more detailed guideline of how to leave a financially abusive relationship, HelpGuide has made an extensive list that covers all the bases, including safety planning, and how to protect your privacy. More importantly, the guide dissects the many common thought processes that survivors may have while still in their relationships. This can help dissipate the fear of the unknown that prevents many from leaving their abusive partners. 

RELATED: How Unhealthy Relationships Impact the Disabled Community

If you or someone you know is experiencing an unhealthy or abusive relationship, check out our real-time resources, or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. If you’re in imminent danger, please call 911.

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